What I Learned From Darren LaCroix Last Night

After all these years, I finally got a picture with the man, the myth, the legend.

I could have been Darren LaCroix.

In 2001, I got lost on the way to my first ever Area Level International Contest, and the winner that day was Del Hargis, who ended up on The Big Stage competing against Darren. If only I'd had GPS, it could have been me up there that day, hoisting the giant trophy and....

OK - probably not, I admit, but it's fun to think about....
I've followed Darren since that point, watched his videos, listened to virtually every product he's put out since, read his blogs and newsletters - yes, I'm a junkie. I've been lucky enough to spend time with him as a coach in 2006 the day before I took third in the world, thanks to a few last minute adjustments after working with him. He came up and encouraged me after the 2008 championships, telling me to, essentially, stop limiting myself to speaking in contests. He let himself be interviewed not once, not twice, but three times due to technical issues for an interview in my book 'Go Ahead & Laugh'.

But last night was really the first time I got to see him in action without the pressure of a World Championship on my mind - even two years ago, watching him at the Toastmasters Convention in Vegas I was in contest mode.

Now I have to admit something. I'm a tough audience. I've heard so much of it before, that I've let myself get a bit jaded when I hear the same stories time after time. That's not THEIR problem, really - it's what speakers do - share their wisdom to new audiences day after day, like each audience is brand new. And yes, I'd heard 99 percent of what Darren had said last night - whether from him or others he's learned from (and always references). Even Darren knew that - at one point, he said 'Rich, here's something I bet even YOU haven't heard me teach before' - you can bet I was listening at that point.

Last night though, I chose to attend with new eyes. Driving 90 minutes through the mountains to get there, I attended with intent - intent to be the student Darren always talks about us needing to be - like the way 2000 Champ Ed Tate sits there and takes pages of notes no matter how often he hears people.

To truly be a sponge that soaks it in, and be willing to reprocess that which I'd heard before, as well as be on the lookout for any new tidbits. Instead of an attitude of "Oh, this story again" or "Yeah, I know - heard it before, from you from everyone", which was a bit of my attitude when I watched new champ Ryan Avery a couple months back, I firmly put myself into student mode.

Darren deserved that from me, and I deserved to allow myself to experience him that way. Frankly, it opened my eyes - and affirmed, and revealed, quite a few things for me.

7 Lessons I Learned From Darren, Either Again or For the First Time
1. It's OK that I've Heard it Before. Darren described it as 'Listening and Losing' - just because we hear it doesn't mean we use it, and just because we use it a little doesn't mean me we use it enough. Listen again.

2. The Effectiveness of Holograms on Stage - building a scene on stage and leaving it there, honoring it instead of walking all over at the wrong time. Seeing it in person augmented what I'd heard on audio.

3. The marked difference between 'Gestures' and 'Expressive Movements' - and how to get that point across to my, in particular, gesture-crazed Toastmaster clients. Along similar lines, I observed a lot about his coaching style that can help me coach my own clients.

4. The Importance of Reaction - We both teach a lot about dialogue in a speech, which I preach, preach, preach, but the the REACTION to it - facially, body position-wise - and how the use of that silence, can be more effective than any other words we say.

5. Sheer Professionalism - the ability to give the same stories again and again with the energy needed for the audience who IS getting it for the first time to get the impact it needs.

6. Own the Information Darren referenced at least 6 or 7 other speakers/mentors/coaches in his presentation - never acting like he had invented all this himself. Indeed, I think the ancient Greeks had a lot to say about speaking back in the day. He couldn't know the background of each person in the audience, so he taught it from within, from his own experience, so the audience could receive it from his perspective. Two of his points, Craig Valentine's 'Tap & Transport' and Patricia Frippe's 'Sameness is the enemy of the speaker' shown stronger to me last night through his presentation then the many audios I've heard talk about these from the speakers themselves.

7. New & Brilliant Not Required - A hair different from the first point in this string, but maybe this one should be just for me. Yes, I've studied speaking for years. Yes, I've heard and read and watched a ton. Yes, I even have some good ideas on my own. But keeping up walls to relearning and reinforcing, even under the guise of 'always looking for something new and brilliant' doesn't help anyone. After all, yesterday's truly brilliant ideas won't lose their shine, and tomorrow's brilliant ideas probably owe a great deal to yesterday.

Reading this back to myself, I have to admit it sounds more like a self-exploratory journal entry than a teaching post. Maybe I'm the only one who struggles with some of this stuff like ego and disappointment and pride every now and again. But hey, someone's got to take it on the chin, so that you don't have to, right?

Would love your thoughts today, even in the form of psuedo-psychoanalysis. In the meantime, keep learning - from me, from Darren, from Tom Antion, from Doug Stevenson, from Avish Parashar, from whoever you want to, have access to, and, most importantly, are willing to listen and learn from. Again and Again and Again.

Bullet Points Are Not Enough

No, bullet points are not enough.

Are you talkin' to me? Or are you talkin' AT me?

It's the big difference between speaking and lecturing.
Between telling and teaching.
Between preaching and inspiring.

But it can be so easy to miss. The Art of Conversation from stage. Just writing that title makes me want to go write a book, but right now you don't have the time to read one, do you? You're here, you want it quick and dirty, and you want it now, right?

See what I did there?
I didn't tell you, I asked you. I tried to get into your head. I looked for agreement. I could have bullet pointed the process - but I would have missed the opportunity to connect with you, to throw in some faint sarcasm, and be real with you.

Same thing goes on stage. It's easy to get wrapped up in all you want to tell your audience. You've got expertise, after all. You're stories are interesting, and you've worked your tail off on them. And they are the ones who brought you in, so they must want you to regale them with knowledge every second, to tell them exactly where they are, how they got there, and why they need to move...right?

Well, sorta.
They do want to hear you, yes. They are praying you're interesting and funny and can give them something new. But they also desperately want you to understand them, to relate to them, even, in some cases, to approve of them, before they are willing to let you actually change them.

Bullet points don't change people, conversations do. Explain. Cajole. Tell stories. Ask questions. Bring up their emotions, their doubts, their fears, their longings, and follow up by reminding them of their victories, their strengths, and their possibilities.

You might be in front of your audience, but your message must be inside your audience. Talk to them. Only then will you truly learn to Speak....& Deliver.

Arrogance vs. Confidence - What Are You Showing From the Stage?

Thinking you can have that many letters, for starters...

There is often a fine line between arrogance and confidence, a line that can be easily crossed without intent, and even without knowledge. This is true in real life, and true, certainly, in speaking.

Speakers actually end up running closer to the line than the average person on a more regular basis. It takes a large amount of confidence just to get up in front of others and espouse our thoughts, ideas, and information to others, much less do it in a memorable, effective way. Confidence that can easily drift into, or be mistaken for, Arrogance.

Arrogance isn't a universal perception, either. I've seen speakers that I consider arrogant that the people next to me, or friends from the audience I've talked to afterwards, simply adored. 'That's just his schtick' was essentially the defense - which also means that speaker has created enough equity either in the past or during the actual presentation for what I perceived as arrogance to be seen as confidence, or style, by others. In fact, I had no real problem with the content of this speaker. It was quite valuable. But for me, the style was aggravating, self-serving, and grandstanding. My perception, colored by my experiences and preferences.

I asked some folks on facebook & twitter what they thought made a speaker Arrogant, and I received a myriad of answers. One of which involved the use of big words like 'myriad'...

36 Ways to Be Arrogant on Stage

1. The speaker is always the hero - Derick Dickens

2. A speaker who preaches: 'You should do this' - Jeffrey Brown, Attie Ringo

3. Berating your audience (something I thought the afore-mentioned speaker did) - VJ Sleight

4. When the personality is bigger than the story (ex: Donald Trump) - David Hollingsworth

5. Being 'holier than thou' - Renee Groom-Romano

6. Talking about what they 'did' instead of what they learned - Leslie Jacobsson Keating, Ann Ang

7. Overuse of first-person pronouns - Richard Daugherty

8. Being spammed with sales both during and after the event - Kevin Doyle

9. Not adapting a speech to the audience - Rich Hopkins (not me - another Rich Hopkins!)

10. Showing off physically while demeaning the audience as lazy - Bronwyn Roberts

11. Speakers who are their own gurus - Heather Adair Hawkins

12. Doesn't show they care for the audience - Colin Emerson

13. Making the audience stand and give a standing ovation, then saying 'now they (the speaker) have to earn it - Michelle Mazur

14. Making jokes at the expense of a group of other people - Natalie Chance Palmer

15. Condescension - 'You don't know this yet, but I will enlighten you' - Tony Cortes

16. Attacking people for technical problems during the speech - Daren Wride

17. Assuming the audience doesn't know the topic well - Peggy Carr

18. Unwilling to fully connect with the audience - Thomas Lindaman

19. Insincerity - Terry Canfield

20. Not respecting the audience's time - David A. Berkowitz

21. Believing their own press - Felicia Slattery

22. Believing their knowledge makes them superior - Lloyd Smith

23. Self-righteous tone of voice - Joyce Feustel

24. Taking themselves too seriously - Cybele Antonow

25. The 'Hard Sell' - Bob Jensen

26. Lack of eye contact - LaMont D. Snarr

27. Ending sentences with 'mmm-kay' or 'right?' to gain agreement - Syrena Glade

28. Physically pacing the stage without purpose - LaMont D. Snarr

29. Sweeping statements - 'Everyone does' or 'Everyone knows' - Dawna Bate

30. Finger pointing in a preaching/shaming manner - Chantal Heurtelou Coutard

31. Using foul language or sexual references - Maureen Zappala

32. Leaning against the lecturn on one elbow - Iain Wayfarer Gorry

33. Assumption of knowledge/not explaining jargon - Jennifer Haston

34. Spread out leg stance with arms crossed - Tracie TK O'Geary

35. Pretending that what worked for them will work for all - @icpchad (on Twitter)

36. And, my personal favorite show of arrogance - laughing at yourself, incessantly, onstage.

Bwah-ha-ha-ha! ROFL! - oh wait, I'm laughing at my own blog...

Wow. That's a lot of actions and attitudes to avoid. And many of them are perception-based - what one person views as arrogance another might view as fear (lack of eye contact) or 'part of the job' (the 'hardsell' and 'spammy follow-ups). Some may be culturally based (finger pointing, stance) or simply preferentially based (swearing, a preaching style). Others are character-based, such as how you react in a negative situation (tech failure).

Most seem to be steeped in one simple concept - caring more about yourself and your message than your audience. That's really the heart of arrogance, isn't it?

Arrogance is a danger we all face as speakers, and we won't be able to avoid members of our audience occasionally feeling that we are arrogant, even if we are extremely humble and authentic as a general rule. And those are, by the way, good general rules to follow.

The speaker I felt was arrogant may not be an arrogant human being, it may have been my perception. I have certainly been considered arrogant on occasion, and with due cause every now and again. Have you ever crossed the line, ever so slightly? Were you called on the carpet for it?

The lessons here seem clear - keep your heart with the audience at all times in every way. Even if you have a schtick, like a Larry Winget, who is often outright rude to his audiences, EARN the right by overtly caring first. While you can't control what each audience member thinks, or understand and tailor yourself to the experiences and, perhaps, their insecurities coloring the reception of your message and delivery, you CAN control your intention, your content, and your delivery style.

In the words of Theodore Roosevelt - "People don't care how much you know until they know how much you care". And if you don't care, you shouldn't be on stage.

When have you experienced an arrogant speaker? Share your stories below!

And the go and be confident while you Speak...& Deliver!

How To Win the Toastmasters World Championship of Public Speaking: A Book Review

The first time I became aware of Jeremy Donovan's new book, How to Win the Toastmasters World Championship of Public Speaking (non-affiliate link), it was via email, from a fellow veteran of the 'Big Stage', as they asked me 'Have you seen this?' and 'Do you know this guy?' Both valid questions, both of which I answered 'no!'

The second time I became aware of the book wasn't exactly ideal, either. An email came to me through my Toastmasters leadership address, as the author let me know about his book and suggested I forward his request to give out a free copy to our district's International Speech Contestant. Generous, in one sense, but, in my mindset, and the mindset of many other district leaders around the world, it came across as 'SPAM', and a misuse of internal emails, made doubly egregious by the fact that he, in fact, was a Toastmaster himself.

You'd think things couldn't get worse from there. But they did. In my typical, type first, ask questions later manner, I facebooked about this situation, without naming the book or the author, giving the book three strikes. It was meant to be a throwaway comment, but it created a bit of a firestorm, especially when Mr. Donovan actually joined the thread to defend his actions, and his title, which I had criticized as offering a 'bloviated claim'. After all, the author hadn't stepped foot on the 'Big Stage' himself, certainly hadn't won it, and it's truly impossible to tell someone exactly how to win a contest of any sort, be it the the World Championship of Public Speaking (WCPS), the Super Bowl, or the World Series of Poker.

All that is said to put this review in it's proper perspective. Despite it all, I was intrigued, and went ahead and spent the $2.99 for the Kindle version, intent to put everything aside and see if this book had any merit at all. I wasn't hopeful.

but...I was pleasantly surprised.

Ed Hearn
2006 World Champion

The book features the text of all nine speakers in the 2012 Championship, something we haven't seen in a book before. Ed Hearn, Douglas Wilson and I put our nine speeches (from District, Region, and the Championship, back when you needed three speeches, instead of two, to win the contest) into our book 'Win, Place & Show', back in 2006, and I was able to get all the finalists to write a chapter each about their own experience in the contest in 2008, in our book 'The Finalists' (available for free on my website), but Mr. Donovan truly pulls a coup by getting all nine speeches into his book.

With those points scored, he then focuses on nine aspects of giving a 'World Championship' speech, through both analysis of the speeches themselves, and an extended study of winning speeches going back to 1986. The author clearly loves research, data, and statistics, as the book is full of them, from how many laughs per minute to percentage of winners from different positions in the speaking order to what percentage of winners ran off the stage vs. shaking the hand of the contest chair vs. waving as they left. (My personal, if painful, favorite, was LaShunda Rundles 'flying' off the stage in our contest in 2008.)

He breaks down the elements of a winning speech as follows:

Taking the Stage - how do you begin, essentially
Topic Selection - always a subject of debate among students and participants of the contest
Storytelling - including story construction, selection, and pattern
Humor and Emotional Range - laughter, tears, and everything in-between
Language - big vs. small words, sentence structure, title selection
Verbal Delivery - volume, speed, pauses
Non-Verbal Delivery - use of the stage, gestures
Mindset - what do you focus on, how do you approach practicing - the most 'motivational' chapter
Leaving the Stage - pausing, how you plan your 'exit strategy'

He concludes with an interesting chapter about his own thoughts on who he thought would win, and why, and then has to admit he didn't actually pick the right winner. Honesty is good - who wins these contests is often a crapshoot.

Therein lies my only remaining complaint about the book. A 'How-To' book, in my mind, should give me a specific, reliable result if I follow the steps. Building a table, fixing a flat tire, building a marketing list, etc. No one, not even a champion, can give you all the steps, with certainty, that will allow you to win this contest. If nothing else, the contest is a zero-sum game, so if two contestants all do everything perfect and identically to the other, only one of them can actually win.

The contest relies on fallible human judges, who may or may not like your speech based not on the judging criteria, but by their own life experience, or even, subconsciously, if they like your tie or choice of dress vs. pantsuit.

LaShunda Rundles, 2008 World Champion

In addition, while he does cover mindset, a key missing component is 'Heart'. Most likely because it is an intangible, immeasurable component in speaking and competing, which one can't distill into a statistic. One cannot watch LaShunda Rundles speech without seeing her whole essence brought to the stage.

Most importantly of all, Lady Luck truly plays a part as well. Just as a football game is occasionally won or lost based on the odd bounce of the pigskin, a speech contest can be won or lost based on a microphone malfunction, the fact that two other people in your bracket spoke on the same subject, or a better speaker got lost getting to the contest that day.

The real promise in this book, the one it fulfills, is telling you how others have won the contest, how some have come close, how some have fallen short. It offers signposts to greater success and warnings against certain failure. It offers 'best practices' and is, at least for this serial contestant (seven time semifinalist, two time finalist), a fascinating read, whetting my appetite for the competition in 2014.

In the end, I enjoyed the book. If you're a Toastmaster, and particularly a contestant, spend the three bucks and give it read. The author has done a tremendous amount of work in compiling his data, interviewing the participants and many past champions. It is the most complete analysis of championship speeches I have seen to date. If you're not a Toastmaster, you might get lost in some of the idiosyncrasies of the contest, but can still glean some great tips about speaking in general.

They say never judge a book by it's cover. I judged it quickly by it's title, and by assuming the worst motives from it's author. That was a mistake on my part. Regardless of what I think of the title, or the email marketing approach, the content of the book, the creation of content from the author, earns it a high rating - 4 out 5 stars.

Pick it up. Jeremy writes...& delivers.