Instant Influence by Michael Pantalon - Book 21 of 52 in 52

I wonder if the person who recommended I read Instant Influence really wanted me to read the Robert Cialdini classic 'Influence', which was turned into an audio program called 'Instant Influence'?

Regardless, this is what I picked up, and I'm glad I did. The most important part of speaking is persuasion, being able to influence the audience towards your ideas, solutions, strategies, etc. One of my favorite books in this genre is Dave Lakhani's 'Persuasion - The Art of Getting What You Want', and persuasion is one of the core concepts discussed in any sales books, be it 'Ziglar on Selling' or Gitomer's 'The Sales Bible' or even, on a more personal note, 'The Five Love Languages'.

Michael Pantalon offers up a proven formula to influence others, backed up by his own anecdotal evidence, including trainings, employee interactions, and his efforts to get his dad to stop smoking. He presents it in a way that drew me in immediately, as he described his presentation of his ideas to a tough audience, and walked us through his efforts, obstacles, and ultimate triumph. Essentially, the book is written to persuade and influence us, not just inform us, which is both appropriate and a tremendous example to the rest of us looking at writing our first, or next, book.

So what's his process? Six questions:

1. Ask, "Why would you change?"
2. Ask, "On a scale from 1 to 10, how ready are you to change?"
3. Ask, "Why didn't you choose a LOWER number?"
4. Ask, "When you picture the change already having occurred, what do you see?"
5. Ask, "Why is that important to you?"
6. Ask, "What is the next step, if any?"

Questions designed to keep the subject from getting defensive, to keep us, and influencers, in touch with the heart of our subject, and to, answer by answer, help the subject walk themselves right into the end result we as the influencer want them to reach.

As speakers, pay special attention to #4 - picturing the change. If we aren't getting our audience to picture the result we're trying to get to reach, and to find the importance in it (Step #5), we aren't getting through the way we want to.

The book is filled with examples, and a large amount of rationalization and reasoning behind each question and how they may be answered. The best part? You can use it on yourself!

Seeing the series of questions, you might think it's overly simple. It is, to a degree, until you start considering the answers you can get, and the personalities you'll deal with. While some books serve to just add padding around some basic principles, such as the two recently-reviewed books, The Go-Giver and The Four Agreements, 'Instant Influence' makes itself invaluable as a whole, not just a process.

Available on Audible, which is how I listened to it, this is a must add to your library as a speaker.

5 Stars out of 5.

Speaking of Manipulation by Speakers

"Listen to me! This is IMPORTANT!!!"

Sounds like something a kid might say, right? Absolutely - as kids we can end up feeling ignored and minimized, and the only way to break through is to yell, to get dramatic, and sometimes....even CRY!

Funny thing - we often carry those feelings, and those tactics, into adulthood - and if we're speakers, onto the stage.

Are you shocked? Aghast? Don't believe it?

When was the last time you heard a speaker literally tell you how important what they are saying is? When was the last time they lowered their voice, gnarled their face intensely, and shoved their words toward you for minutes at a time, vs. a well-placed 10 word line to make a point? When was the last time they talked about their dead parents, mentors, or old friends in a way to make you feel bad for them, instead of giving you something from those who passed to make you feel good for YOU? When was the last time you watched a speaker actually cry on stage, and felt that pit in your stomach as you debated whether it was real or not?

When was the last time YOU were guilty of doing this yourself?
It's an easy trap to fall into, especially if you're trying to win a competition - not just in Toastmasters, by the way - or if you're just starting out as a speaker, and experience success early on with this approach.

As speakers, we DO have important messages to share, and we are invested in getting our audience to remember them. But audiences need to be able to decide for themselves what is important, and they are more than capable of doing so.

How do you avoid being unintentionally manipulative?
1. As my friend Craig Valentine, author of World Class Speaking, says 'Don't Do Therapy On Stage.' If you like to speak, it's almost in your DNA to share your stories. But if you're not ready yet, if you're too emotionally close to the situation, you'll end up bringing your audience down with you, instead of sharing the true message from the situation that will uplift them to a place you want them to go.

2. Don't Monologue Too Much. The downfall of many a super-villain, it's an easy place for us to go onstage. This is when we get out of storytelling mode and just start preaching. If your speech hasn't made your points for you, 2-3 minutes of impassioned convincing and pleading isn't going to help. Instead, remind them of your points, and put them in a position of power to use them.

3. Don't Be a Drama Queen, or King. Public speaking isn't MacBeth. You don't need to put your body into wild gesticulations, or worse yet, start ACTING on the stage. Gestures planned to the second that look more like dance moves than natural physical movements will distract from the meat of your message, and actually weaken your connection. People go from LISTENING to WATCHING.

4. Separate Yourself from Your Presentation. Video yourself, and show it to a trusted coach. It's easy to be too close to your material. Let a more objective source provide feedback.

How do you be intentionally manipulative for the good of the audience?
1. It's okay to flag a point, tell people to write this down, suggest this is one of the nuggets they want to pay attention to, etc. But to try to emotionally drive it into them with dramatic vocal gyrations will often put your audience into one of two emotional states: Sympathy, in the case of emotional manipulations, or Defensiveness, if they feel you're ramming your message down their throat.

2. Pick your moments, and plan your exits. There are times it is OK to be dramatic, emotional, and intense. Keep them short, and always link them to a point that is ultimately positive. If you bring your audience down, end the segment with some humor to lift them up. At the very least, let the next section of your presentation lighten the mood.

3. Ask yourself 'Is this for them, or me?' There's no denying a good emotional story, or general intensity onstage, or even crying will affect your audience. The question is - is it for their edification, or your own? Are you putting them through something for their greater good, or just trying to look good and feel good about YOURSELF when you step off stage - often into the comforting arms of a sympathetic audience?

4. Know the difference between persuasion and manipulation. Dave Lakhani's book 'Persuasion - The Art of Getting What You Want' does a great job discussion these concepts. Persuasion is based in giving your audience the ability to choose the choice you've made most appealing over the long haul. Manipulation is dragging them, with or without their permission, into an emotional state that they won't be able to maintain when you're gone.

5. Realize your message is important in its own right. It shouldn't need the drama, the preaching, the intensity we're tempted to bring to it. Instead, bring humor, bring great examples, and show uplifting and productive outcomes. Then it's up to the audience to decide how important your message is to them.

Yes, it is our job as speakers to persuade, convince, cojole, and even push our audience from the state of mind they came to our presentation with to the state of mind they need to be in to improve their performance, their attitude, and their life in general. Just remember, a little intensity, a little emotion, a little dramatic flair - goes a LONG way.

I HOPE YOU'VE READ THIS WHOLE POST! IT'S IMPORTANT!!!


Now go Speak & Deliver :)

Sometimes Persuasion Takes Awhile

Happy Valentine's Day, folks. Today, I share a couple of clips from Notting Hill, starring Hugh Grant and Julia Roberts. They have some great dialogue, with Julia trying to persuade him to love him, in the first clip. In the second, he deliberates, in the third, he takes action.

This is a favorite movie for my wife and I to watch this time of year - though I admit tonight we're looking at seeing Mission Impossible IV instead...



Below is the conversation he has with his friends, as her words begin to sink in....



Then, like many people will after you speak, though you may never know, he takes action. Click the link below to see how it all turns out!

http://youtu.be/Kf1uWrjfFzk

In the meantime, enjoy your Valentine's Day. If you don't have someone to enjoy it with, well, write a speech about it :) It's just another chance to Speak & Deliver.