Head to Mouth Disconnect

It sounded SO profound in my HEAD!

It looked SO funny on PAPER!

But...But...it FLOPPED!

Yeah, that'll happen. Head to mouth disconnect. In fact, it happens a lot. When we think or write about what we're going to say, we hear it perfectly in our heads, and the audience reacts exactly as we think they should. Unfortunately, two big things can go wrong:

1. We don't deliver it the way we told ourselves we were going to deliver it. Lack of practice, change in mood, sudden onset of self-consciousness when we see who has actually shown up in the room...plenty of reasons can get in our way if we aren't 100% certain of the quality of our material.

2. The audience hears with their OWN minds, no OURS. Darn them anyway. Don't they know that was funny, profound, sad? Idiots. Even if we ARE 100% certain of the quality of our material, those percentages can drop quickly once the spoken word hits the live audience.

The two areas of your speech most at risk for Head to Mouth Disconnect? Your conclusion, and your humor. What sounds funny isn't always, particularly if you don't know your audience well enough. You conclusion is at risk mostly because it's the last thing you write, instead of the first. If the conclusion isn't fully supported by your speech, no matter how profound, it won't stand up in the end.

Hidden in between - your stories. Those anecdotes that you believe are simply perfect, but aren't. You just can't see it from the trenches. Stories that you have force - the square peg in the round hole - simply because it moves you, so you HAVE to share it.

While Head to Mouth Disconnect is not completely preventable, there are precautions you can take, and prescriptions after it happens.

A. Practice. A lot. At home in your living room is good. Finding a Toastmasters group, hiring a coach, speaking at service clubs, is better. Take your material out for a test-drive where the audience is supportive and/or the consequences are minimized. If you don't practice, what can I say? You get what you deserve.And if you don't practice and everybody loves you anyway, you're probably a celebrity - or their boss.

B. Be Mindful of Your Mindset. You've had a crappy day. You fought with your spouse before you walked out the door. You got a speeding ticket. And sometimes, life is really going wrong - your father died, your daughter has been diagnosed with a tumor, or there's a layoff at work. And here you are, supposed to go deliver a message with humor and hope.

That will throw off anyone's delivery. If you can't or don't want to get out of the speech, you've got to do a different kind of disconnect - your head from your life - just for that event. Focus on the audience and the outcome. Leave everything else out of your head, and go pick it up later. Easier said than done - this I know from personal experience. But if you are aware, you're more likely to deliver the speech you need, and want, to give.

C. Film & Watch yourself. Filming is relatively easy. Watching not so much. In fact, my clients usually refer to it as torture. Still, its essential - watch with the mindset of the audience, feel their response if you have a copy of a public speech, and take notes on what works and what doesn't. If you simply cannot film, at least get an audio recording app on your phone so you can LISTEN to it afterward. No excuses.

D. Be a Merciless Editor. I know it's your favorite story. Your funniest line. Your cleverest of clever wordplay. But if it doesn't work, it doesn't work. Go in with a strike-through state of mind in your word processor. Then read it without those lines. The universe hates a vacuum, right? Trust in yourself that you'll find something better.

E. Be a Quick Healer. That means both self-healing, such as your ego, and being a healer, by rewriting your speech. Usually your flops are only flesh wounds, and they look worse than they are. They still need attention, but they won't kill us. The more dangerous cuts come when our flops interfere with our message by deadening the audience response, inadvertently contradict our intent or ideas, or tear down our credibility.

Head to Mouth Disconnect. It's only terminal if you ignore it.

What's the worst case you've ever experienced? Share below, even if it just happened to 'a friend'.

Meanwhile - go out and Speak....& Deliver!

Speaker's Remorse - The Strongest Editing Tool

Don't you love the feeling right after you finish a speech? 

The crowd claps, maybe even stands, you shake the hand of the emcee, walk off and smile and wave, both energized and relieved that you've done your best. What a rush! For about 30 seconds.

Suddenly...

Speaker's Remorse. You start thinking about EVERYTHING you did wrong. What you left out, from words to gestures to stage movements, to that humor twist at the end which would have left your audience feeling even better! Grumble, grumble, grumble.

Then you start thinking about how what you DID say wasn't perfect - this part fell flat, that transition could have been better, and, ugh, why did I wear this outfit?

It happens to the best of us. Unless we've memorized and practiced and given the presentation hundreds of times - well, it can happen EVEN THEN.

Last Fall, I gave a short keynote in Ft. Collins for the District 26 Toastmaster Leadership training. It was a well-received speech that focused on my Mom unexpectedly becoming the leader in our family. I sat down, and immediately thought about three different parts of the speech:

1. I had left a couple of items out (not that anyone in the audience would know) about my mom's journey
2. The humor bit involving 2001 Toastmaster World Champion of Public Speaking Darren LaCroix (there was a cutout of him on stage with me) could be enhanced even WITHOUT the cutout to this particular audience
3. I could've shifted the force of the keynote from Win Anyway to Lead Anyway, and be more in tune with the tone of the event

Again - it was still well-received, but I had immediate changes to consider if I were to deliver this again.

Photo by Bradley Beck

Last weekend, I had the chance to deliver essentially the same address to in Denver for their version of the training event, and I implemented those changes, to great success. More laughs, more emotional connection, and more intensity with the Lead Anyway approach.

Even then, I sat down realizing there was a line I left out at the end with a key humor line - just lost to the moment. C'est la vie, no one noticed but me.

The next time you speak, and are faced with those moments right after you speak? Take notes, immediately. Send an email to yourself. Some of your best ideas, and best editing can come right after you speak. Go back and listen/watch the video you no doubt took of yourself. Transcribe it, and see where your mind goes when you speak LIVE.

Then give it again. I hear that the best speeches aren't written, but rewritten. True. It's also true that the best speeches aren't just given, they're re-given, particularly as soon as possible.

We are our own worst critics, most of the time. Don't internalize it and make yourself miserable - document it and use it to improve. Share YOUR Speaker's Remorse stories below - then go out and Speak....and Deliver.