You've got to MEAN it!

Last month, I was working with my wife as she practiced her keynote speech for BCNF - a Neurofibromatosis Awareness group in British Columbia.

Kristi is NOT a speaker. Well - she is, and she could be, and sometimes she even WANTS to be - but she's a wife, a mom, and in management at Colorado's largest movie theater - NOT a speaker.

Still, she's a celebrity in the NF world. She writes a popular blog, we put together a book for her a few years back, and she's dedicated to both creating awareness and educating doctors, parents, and children about the disorder that affects her and three of our six kids so directly.

As she prepared, she knew she wouldn't be able to memorize her speech. Instead, she's more of a 'lively reader'. She's worked hard to create a very authentic script - which is a lot harder to do than it sounds. Yet, every time she'd read it, I'd have to push her to really wring the emotion out of it.

"You've got to MEAN it!" came out of my well-meaning mouth more than once.

That's a huge lesson for all of us as speakers, whether we use notes or slides, or whether we read our speeches, or even can rattle it off verbatim each time without help at all. It's not just the words we say, it's the emotional meaning we give to them.

Kristi certainly MEANS everything in her speech. It's intensely personal, and designed to connect with and uplift her audience. It has humor, pathos, irony, anger, and triumph - all drawn directly from her real life. The obstacle is more often translating that meaning from the page via our voice inflections, pacing, and volume.

Tips for MEANING what you say:

1. Write the way you Talk - it's easier to be authentic when you deliver conversational phrases vs. well hone prose.
2. Record yourself - you might THINK you sound like you mean it, til you hear yourself say it.
3. Use Note CARDS - with bullet points to remind you where you're going, vs. letting yourself go through the speech solely via the script. Imagine trying to get somewhere new by car looking only at your GPS screen!
4. Highlight Emotions - with a real highlighter - different colors for different emotions, just to trigger yourself when you see it.
5. Get coached - or at least have a neighbor spray you with a water bottle everytime you slip into monotone.

When you MEAN it, the audience FEELS it. When they FEEL it, they remember it, and they are much more likely to act on it - which is, after all, the whole reason you're up there, right? To Speak...and Deliver!

I've attached her speech below - I think she's getting it ;)

Why You Should Not Seek Perfection in Public Speaking

When you have a job at hand, is your goal to do it perfectly or to the best of your ability? Be honest with yourself in answering that question because, in public speaking, it could mean the difference between a dynamic presentation and one that is so-so.

Without a doubt, there are some things I want done perfectly - like the surgery on my dog's eye to remove a large cyst or the adding of numbers when I do my taxes. When I was a child, my mother taught me to sew and we made identical dresses with a striped pattern. I can't tell you how many times she had me rip out the seams until I had matched the stripes perfectly. I know this was one of my best lessons in life.

There are other things, however, in which seeking perfection will thwart your success. Any type of live performance, be it on a stage, the football field or a baseball diamond, is subjective. Who is to say that the game, the concert, or the play is perfect? What I may think is perfect may not be what you think is perfect. In that sense, seeking perfection is a waste of time.

If you want to be able to speak and do it well, I suggest you:

1. know your material inside and out (which you have practiced out loud over and over and over again); 2. speak with emotion, with life, and with passion; 3. make eye contact with your audience; 4. breathe; and, 5. believe in yourself.

When you can incorporate those 5 rules into your delivery, you will then be achieving the best you can do. What this means is that you will give an excellent speech or presentation. No, it will not be perfect. In fact, you will probably make a mistake or two. Remember, your audience is not looking for perfection from you: your audience is looking for a great message that inspires or motivates or persuades them.

Deliver your message just as if you were having a conversation in your living room and you will be creating an intimacy with them that is not possible if your material is memorized or read from a script. Watch those who are really skilled at public speaking and you will see that they all share that one characteristic in common. They treat their listeners as if in conversation and they don't worry about a couple of mistakes.

Next time you are scheduled to speak, stop fretting over the unattainable and seek that which is easier to accomplish and much more dynamic in the long run.